January 21, 2011

The Chief Mockery Officer's Outsourcing Plan

outsourceWe have so many absurd training modules and forms to complete that I've decided to say "enough is enough".  I no longer am willing to subject myself to hours and hours of  HR web modules on ethics and time-card charging when everyone damn well knows that I consistently lie on my time-card.  I also refuse to take part in the four month, 14-step performance review charade just so that I can get my less-than-inflation two percent raise (more on that ridiculous process in a future post).

What I have decided to do instead is outsource all that corporate foolery to my lesser paid minions.  I currently have a $40 offer out for somebody to take the aforementioned time-card training module.  I also plan on putting out a similar offer for someone to take my ethics training.  I probably will need to dangle a bigger payday for someone to complete my performance review as that will require some creative writing.  I'm thinking $100 should do.

I view my outsourcing plan as a win-win for all of those involved.  I will no longer have to kill my braincells on idiotic no-value-add corporate monkeyness created by a bunch of English-major flunkies in HR who are lucky that our society actually considers HR to be a real profession, and my minions get to augment their below-market pay with my generous cash remuneration.  In addition, this is consistent with the company's enterprise-wide drive to outsource all non-critical functions.


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Chief Mockery Officer is owned and operated by The Jaba Group.