February 22, 2011

From the Desk of the Chief Mockery Officer: Stop encrypting emails

From: Jaba, Chief Mockery Officer
To: Minions
Date: February 22, 2011
Re: Email Encryption

I have trouble enough getting myself to check work emails that I don't need you to make it any harder by encrypting your messages.  Trust me: It’s highly unlikely that anything you will be emailing is worthy of encryption.  Despite whatever fantasy world you may have conjured up in your head, nothing you are sending is of national security importance or even worth the time of a third-rate Chinese hacker to steal.  You are at best a paper pusher that writes C.Y.A. memos that go straight to the trash bin.  It’s bad enough that I have to read your nonsense, but making me go through the labyrinthine process of decrypting your email before I get the privilege to read your worthless drivel, is quite maddening. 

Yes, I know that you recently received an important looking memo from our IT department telling you that all sensitive information must be sent via encrypted email.  Those instructions have been superseded by my directive that you should not encrypt your emails.  If you are uncertain regarding who has final authority on this matter, please refer to the “Chief” in my title which no one in the IT department has, and also the fact that my college degree did not come from one of the various online universities that advertise late at night, which unfortunately, everyone in the IT department has.


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