From the Desk of the Chief Mockery Officer: Incidental Fee Policy

To: Employees
From: Jaba, Chief Mockery Officer
Date: January 10, 2011
Re: Incidental Fee Policy

It has been brought to my attention that certain company managers have been collecting money from employees for incidental costs such as birthday breakfasts. I salute these forward thinking managers and their cost-saving initiatives. As part of our company’s drive to continually improve our cost structure and consequently increase our earnings per share, I have implemented a new policy that will require employees to reimburse the company for incidental costs that are not core to their work place function. We are a for-profit entity and not a social welfare organization. Therefore, employees should no longer expect the company to provide freebies such as the aforementioned birthday breakfasts, bottle water, coffee, or toilet paper.

In order to implement a fair and consistent reimbursement policy throughout the company, I have developed the following recommended amounts that should be collected from employees:

Birthday breakfasts: $10 per birthday
Bottle water: $30 per month, limit one bottle water per day
Coffee: $15 per month, unlimited cups per day
Toilet paper: $5 per month, $10 per month if double-ply

If you have questions about other items not on the list, feel free to contact me at: chiefmockeryofficer@gmail.com.

Employees can reimburse the company via personal check (cashier’s check for amounts over $20) or a payroll deduction. There will be a $5 service fee for payroll deductions.