Why I love teleconferences

Most people love to bitch about telecons.  Personally, I love them.  It’s my “alone” time, when I can close the door, shut the blinds, dial in, and tune out.  I’ve reached a point in my career where I don’t actually have to ever lead a call or participate in any meaningful fashion.  I’m important enough to get invited or at least cc’d on Outlook meeting notices but no one actually expects me to contribute to the conversation, which is exactly the way I want it.

During these calls, I’m always on “mute” and have the volume to just a smidge below normal so that the din coming from the speaker phone is loud enough for people who may be outside my door to think that I’m busy, but not loud enough to interrupt me from my downtime.  I use this alone time to surf the Web, build paper clip statues, shoot my Nerf guns, or take a nap.  Yes, I normally do these things during the work day anyways, but during telecons I don’t have to worry as much about someone barging in and interrupting me.

Telecons are even better when you can take them from home.  While calls schedule before 9AM usually suck a donkey’s butt, the upside of having an early call is that you can justify taking them at your house.  I LOVE taking telecons from home.  I usually take these calls in my boxers while sipping coffee and occasionally smoking a cigar.  Other things I’ve done during home telecons including taking a dump, playing Xbox, and watching porn.  That last one is really fun to do.  Just make sure your phone is really on mute.  Otherwise you’ll have a bunch of confused coworkers wondering who’s making all the midget, transsexual, sex noises. Just kidding about the midget part.

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