(photo via Stuff I Stole From the Internet)
For a while now I’ve suspected that our company has
been using its employees as a way to spruce up the quarterly earnings.
How you ask? By charging us inflated prices on food and drinks. I’ve
already bitched about the $10 co-pay at our company picnic, but it goes
well beyond overpriced hot dogs. This place over-charges us for
everything. Take the cafeteria for example. I go there every morning
to get my breakfast of two eggs, two sausage links and some fruit as
well as to watch the wildebeest in action. You know how much that meal
costs? 7 bucks. Seven freaking dollars for a couple of eggs, two
shriveled over-cooked sausages and some sickly looking fruit pieces.
Don’t
get me wrong, I don’t expect the company to subsidize our meals. I’ve
long given up hope that our company is a place where employees get perks
of any kind. All I’m asking is that we simply break even on items we sell to our
employees. The wholesale price of two eggs, two sausages, and the fruit
is around $2 (probably less but whatever). We apply a 2-multiplier on
stuff we sell to our clients so let’s apply the same multiplier on the
things we sell to our employees. That means a fair price (including a
profit margin) for my breakfast should be four bucks, not seven.
Instead, the company is making a borderline criminal 250 percent profit
margin on the food it’s selling to employees.
The
same kind of premium pricing is being charged for coffee and vending
machine snacks. So like a good free-marketeer, I’ve decided to profit
from this employee gouging by opening up a mini-mart in my office to
undercut the company pricing. Need a freshly brewed cup of Starbucks
coffee? Don’t pay $2 at the cafeteria. Stop by the CMO’s office and
I’ll serve you a hot cup for only $1.50. Blood sugar dropping? Why
throw away 85 cents worth of coins into the vending machine when I’ll
sell you a Snicker’s bar for a reasonable 75 cents. Your boss charging
you $10 per birthday bagels and fruit (seriously, our department
collects $10 from employees for birthday bagels and fruit)? Screw him
or her. Just place an order with me the day before and I’ll have fresh
bagels and other goodies delivered to your conference room for a lot
less than $10.
Our management always spews a bunch of bullshit about how we’re an entrepreneurial company. Now it won't be total bullshit.
Editor’s note:
I
just found out that the comment above about no employee perks isn’t
entirely true. It was just announced on our company’s intranet that
employees can get discount tickets to the upcoming Home and Garden
show. Hell yeah.
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