Look what I saw yesterday at the company parking lot. I can totally
picture what happened. Some 300 lb obese motherfucker was stuffing
his face with a Danish as he entered the parking lot. Upon seeing the
open parking spot which was close to the front of the building -
limiting the distance he would have to waddle and sweat to the front
door - he punched on the accelerator and slammed his car into the
parking spot as well as the car in front of him. As he gasped for air,
feeling his arteries pulsing at maximum capacity, he decided that it
wasn't worth the effort to find another parking spot. Well why didn't
he at least back up, you ask? Because at that exact moment, Mr. Reason
Why Our Fucking Healthcare Costs Are So High realized that it was
Wednesday which meant crepes were being served at the cafeteria. No time
to back up. He needed to get his damn crepes before they run out.
If this had happened to my Porsche, there would have been YouTube footage of me
chasing some wildebeest employee around our campus with my beating stick.
I'm Jaba, an actual Vice President and self-appointed Chief Mockery Officer (CMO) of a real Fortune 500 company. I spend my work days surfing the Web for funny ass stuff and pictures of hot girls. I also harass colleagues and friends alike with ranting emails and send out CMO directives to my minions. This site is a forum for all of my CMO activities.
If you've got anything funny or interesting you would like the Chief Mockery Officer to review, email me at firstname.lastname@example.org. Good stuff will be posted and I'll send you some linkback love.