Charlie Sheen keeping it real

Even after near-death experiences from coke-fueled hooker binges, Charlie doesn’t lie to us about wanting to turn a new leaf or give us some hypocritical horse shit about how we should learn from his mistakes and live a clean life.  Hell no.  Charlie Sheen will tell you that being Charlie Sheen is damn fun and he is going to enjoy the hell out of it as long as his alive to do so.  Here are some of his recent quotes on the matter:

"I was sober for five years a long time ago and was just bored out of my tree," he said in a phone call to DirecTV/Fox Sports Radio host Dan Patrick.  "It's inauthentic -- it's not who I am. I didn't drink for 12 years and, man, that first one, Dan. Wow."

"I said stay off the crack, and I still think that's pretty good advice, unless you can manage it socially. If you can manage it socially, then go for it, but not a lot of people can, you know?"

"Check it. It's like, I heal really quickly. But I unravel pretty quickly. So get me right now, guys," he said, addressing the show's producers.

And let’s be honest: if you’re going to die, wouldn’t you rather go out while being part of a 5-layer hooker sandwich instead of sitting in your cubicle arguing with the accounts payable department about why the reference numbers don’t match?  I definitely would.