Seriously, I think she is. I do my business (I’m talking about going number two) in the office. I don’t have a set time when I do this. Some days it’s in the morning after breakfast while other days it’s in the afternoon. It really depends on how my bowels are feeling that particular day. In any case, I’ve noticed that the cleaning lady happens to interrupt me in the bathroom at an alarmingly high rate. I’ll be in the stall doing my business while emailing or playing Brick Breaker on my Blackberry when I hear a knock on the door followed by:
“Hello is anyone in there?”
Yes someone is in here! In fact, I’m in there 1 out of every 4 times she comes a knocking. Literally a quarter of the time I’m ruling the throne this lady happens to be trying to clean the bathroom. Again, it’s not like I go at a specific time that happens to coincide with her cleaning schedule. I’ve actually been in there at 8:30AM in the morning, most likely the first person during the day to use the bathroom, and she’s knocking on the door. Why the hell would she need to clean the bathroom at 8:30AM?? The night time cleaning crew just cleaned the bathroom a few hours before and no one has been in the bathroom since.
So I decided to mathematically prove that she’s stalking me. Let’s say that each of my bathroom sessions last 20 minutes. In a given eight hour work day, there are 24 20-minute segments. That means that there should only be a 4.2 percent chance that this lady interrupts my "sessions" in a given work day. In reality, it’s closer to 25 percent. I’m no statistics whiz but I’m pretty sure that means there is something else that explains my frequent encounter with the cleaning lady other than pure coincidence.
I may need to discuss this with her supervisor since I can no longer do my business in peace. I get apprehensive sitting on the toilet, waiting for that knock on the door. This is something no executive, especially a Chief Mockery Officer, should have to deal with.