Seriously, I think she is. I do my business (I’m
talking about going number two) in the office. I don’t have a set
time when I do this. Some days it’s in the morning after breakfast while other days
it’s in the afternoon. It really depends on how my bowels are feeling
that particular day. In any case, I’ve noticed that the
cleaning lady happens to interrupt me in the bathroom at an alarmingly high rate. I’ll
be in the stall doing my business while emailing or playing Brick
Breaker on my Blackberry when I hear a knock on the door followed by:
“Hello is anyone in there?”
Yes
someone is in here! In fact, I’m in there 1 out of every 4 times she
comes a knocking. Literally a quarter of the time I’m ruling the throne
this lady happens to be trying to clean the bathroom. Again, it’s not
like I go at a specific time that happens to coincide with her cleaning
schedule. I’ve actually been in there at 8:30AM in the morning, most likely the first person during the day to use the bathroom, and she’s
knocking on the door. Why the hell would she need to clean the
bathroom at 8:30AM?? The night time cleaning crew just cleaned the
bathroom a few hours before and no one has been in the bathroom since.
So
I decided to mathematically prove that she’s stalking me. Let’s say
that each of my bathroom sessions last 20 minutes. In a given eight
hour work day, there are 24 20-minute segments. That means that there
should only be a 4.2 percent chance that this lady interrupts my "sessions" in a given work day. In reality, it’s closer to 25 percent.
I’m no statistics whiz but I’m pretty sure that means there is something
else that explains my frequent encounter with the cleaning lady other
than pure coincidence.
I
may need to discuss this with her supervisor since I can no longer do my business in peace. I get apprehensive sitting on the toilet, waiting for
that knock on the door. This is something no executive, especially a Chief Mockery Officer, should have to
deal with.
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