April 1, 2011

No more stock options for the CMO

For the first time in over a decade at this crappy company, I did not receive stock options as part of my bonus.  Surprisingly it had nothing to do with my 2 hour work weeks, complete disregard for all company policies, or inappropriate use of body hair in the office.  No, rather it's part of the on-going screwage of the company employees in the name of earnings per share.  I was completely behind this option limitation trend when it was only effecting rank and file employees.  But now that it has impacted someone of my seniority and stature – I’m the Chief Mockery Officer for goodness sakes – I think this is utter bullshit.

Don’t get me wrong, it’s not like our options are worth anything considering our stock price has moved in lock-step with that of a Barry Bonds rookie card.  But it was a nice symbolic gesture that unfortunately is a thing of the past.  Perhaps in the future the company will consider giving out put options to employees.  Now that will be worth some real money. 


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Chief Mockery Officer is owned and operated by The Jaba Group.